Monday Morning Halfback: Jays, FIFA and sports villains highlight a down-time in the sports calendar

Jamie Ross is the sports editor for the Globe and Mail. Cathal Kelly is the Globe’s national sports columnist

J.R.: Cathal, you know you’re in the sports down season when TSN leads its app with coverage of the Ivan Hlinka tournament (Canada beat the United States for gold, for those wondering). How much of the U-18 world hockey championships did you take in?

C.K.: Jamie, a line has to be drawn somewhere, and I draw it at watching high-school anything. Not your senior production of Pride and Prejudice, not your hockey, not nothing.

This is the time of year where sports – like whatever it is you do for work – shouldn’t demand much of your attention. That big case you’ve got coming up? Just wing it. Whatever’s on Sportsnet Saskatchewan? Give it a pass.

Despite my trying, it did not escape my notice that having officially given up on their season, the Toronto Blue Jays have started winning games. Vladimir Guerrero Jr. even hit a home run on Saturday night, which happens about as much now as the waxing of the new moon. What’s your diagnosis on their confusing year?

Cathal Kelly: With the power of friendship sapped from the Blue Jays, Ross Atkins got busy at the trade deadline

J.R.: Baseball is not a game where one player can fully propel or sink a team, because there are hitters and pitchers.

Still, it’s hard not point to Guerrero’s titanically disappointing follow up to his prime-time moment during last year’s postseason. In that run to the World Series, that silly Blue Jays home run jacket was his cape, and he was Toronto’s sports superman. Forget Auston Matthews, and no offence to Scottie Barnes, but the town belonged to Guerrero.

Now, $500-million later, and with a salary cap on the horizon, the contract feels like it might turn out to be baseball’s Heaven’s Gate.

C.K.: Guerrero has one mission left this year – hit at least one home run in the Rogers Centre. I don’t care how bad his back is (if it’s his back). They can roll him up to the plate on a gurney. If he gets out of this season without hitting one out at home, it is all that will be talked about during the team’s off-season. They could sign a 3-D printed version of Hank Aaron and the story will be ‘Can AI Hank teach Vlad how to point the ball upward?’

Looking back, you begin to wonder who was driving the bus on giving Guerrero his massive deal – the Jays’ baseball people, or the Jays’ baseball owner? Team president Mark Shapiro refused to agree that Guerrero was a “generational” player in 2024. A year later, he’s giving him generational money? Maybe he saw this coming.

The World Series run papered over the issue, but it’s here now. The fans will accept any excuse this year. Tell them Guerrero had moon madness. But if he starts out this bad again next year, no need to worry. There will only be 13 more years left on his contract.

J.R.: It wouldn’t be MMHB without a nod to FIFA and our sports Ghandi, Gianni Infantino. He truly is generous and continues to gift us material to discuss. FIFA put out a statement this week, attributed to no one, that said the World Cup sale scandal was over. It also said FIFA’s own employees back Infantino, so nothing to see here. Soccer federations are still lining up against him, though. The Prime Minister gave him a thumbs down. And names are being floated on who might replace him. A Canadian, Victor Montagliani, is among them. What would the Soccer World Order look like with a Canuck at the helm?

C.K.: Exactly the same as it looks right now. It’s like any other top job in politics. You don’t get there because of your charitable nature.

Everybody seems to think Infantino is as good as gone, but I don’t see it. There are only two ways to pry him out of his spot – shame him out or vote him out.

Cathal Kelly: Getting rid of Gianni Infantino won’t quell the urge to monetize sports

Good luck with the first thing. Nothing Infantino’s done so far suggests he’s having an attack of conscience. The second thing may be even more hopeless.

Infantino has the African confederation solidly in his corner. He has the Middle Eastern bloc in the Asian confederation. Argentina came out slugging for him this week, which suggests South America is gettable. Mexico broke ranks with the rest of CONCACAF to support him.

So what’s Europe’s rejoinder if Infantino wins a presidential election they forced on him? We’re still waiting for the first body to drop in this soap opera.

I’m sure Montagliani has done his daydreaming. I’m just as sure he’s trying to figure out if he’s better off sticking with the guy in charge, for now at least.

As Battles Royale go, I’m more in favour of the direct kind – like what they’re doing in the WNBA. The Sophie Cunningham story is still running, despite the league’s best efforts to quash it. Over the weekend, DiJonai Carrington tried to decapitate Cunningham under the basket. After she was ejected, Carrington wrote ‘White privilege’ on social media.

Is this not giving you vague Dennis Rodman vibes now? Those were the glory days of the two-fisted NBA. Maybe the women’s league is drawn to that winning formula?

J.R.: You mentioned her last week in this space and penned a separate column about her, so I’m going to assume you’re putting Sophie Cunningham on your Mount Rushmore of sports villains, athlete edition. My personal favourites were Rodman, John Rocker, Sean Avery and Nick Kyrgios. Who else?

C.K.: Cunningham reminds me of Rodman because she a) loves the attention and b) has that grinning ‘Who, me?’ approach that drives opponents nutty. Witness Carrington’s reaction to her. All Cunningham needs now are the championships.

That to me is the measure of a great villain – not just the bad behaviour, but the accomplishments that prove it was in service of something other than just winding your opponents up.

That’s my problem with the Rockers and Kyrgioses of the sports world. They were out of control for its own sake. Had Kyrgios won a major, he’d be up there, but he didn’t.

A great villain also has duality. You want them bad, but you don’t want them vicious. Rodman walked that line. His Detroit teammate, Bill Laimbeer, did not.

I’d call Brad Marchand a great villain – multiple Stanley Cups, as well as multiple face licks. The Tkachuk brothers, as a tandem, are getting there.

This whole thing is a weird, unquantifiable process. Mike Tyson, who did prison time for rape, has been readmitted to most public spaces, while Lance Armstrong, who lied about doing drugs, has not.

My ultimate villain would be Manchester United’s heat-seeking missile, Roy Keane – barely controlled fury in the field of play, and a self-deprecating sense of humour outside it.

At the end, none of this can be taken very seriously. You’re not seeing real people in front of the camera any more. You’re seeing a character they play. Some of them are just better at it than others.

J.R.: If it’s all a production, then the Oscar for best sports villain has to go to Avery. He parlayed his unhinged on (and off) ice persona into an acting career in the movies.

I’ve noticed him in multiple Christopher Nolan films and he had some extended scenes in Oppenheimer playing opposite Matt Damon. He got his start body shaming opponents and forcing the NHL to make overnight rule changes. Then he pivoted to New York City bike lane vigilante, where he filmed himself policing the city streets like a two-wheeled Batman. In between there were some Shakespearean acting lessons. And look at him now.

C.K.: Am I the only person who didn’t spot Avery in The Odyssey? And I was specifically looking for him.

Considering what a tedious dud Nolan’s Odyssey is, maybe it’s better for his acting prospects that no one remembers him. That way he can always remain perfect as Random Soldier Who Asks Dumb Question in Tenet.

I understand you’re off on holiday this week. Don’t worry. I’ll handle all your budgetary requests. No need to even check.