After weeks of hype, the revamped Leafs fall short on opening night

During Tuesday night’s season opener, the Leafs debuted their new slogan – ‘Passion never sleeps’.

I don’t know about you, but it feels like ChatGPT isn’t trying like it used to.

They’ve wrapped a whole campaign around this nonsense tagline, complete with fun video that was in heavy rotation on the scoreboard:

“When you’ve been around a hundred years, you attract your share of haters …” – then a quick cut to Auston Matthews saying, “We’ve been called every name in the book.”

I’m having trouble imagining Apple taking this advertising tack – ‘Everybody wants us dead.’

Not that it matters. The motto of this team could be ‘While you’re at the game, we’re robbing your house’ and there’d still be a waitlist for tickets.

However, one could not help but notice an early warning sign of weakness. There was a lot of Montreal red in the lower bowl. Are Bay St. types arbitraging their corporate freebies? Is the smart money bearish on Raddysh?

Highly touted McKenna has an average rookie’s debut in Leafs’ loss

If so, new arrival Kirill Marchenko might want to get all that money the Leafs just showered on him in Bitcoin. Something he can move out of the country easily if it turns out he isn’t the Rocket Richard that Leafs’ true believers have promised.

After weeks of hype – most of which was an unsubtle rubbishing of Craig Berube as a fifth columnist and offensive-zone wrecker – the new run-and-gun Leafs were finally unleashed.

The stars, by the numbers: Auston Matthews – 0

Gavin McKenna – 0

Raddysh – 0

The only person who really showed up to work was William Nylander, and you know that was because he just found out how much Marchenko will be paid. Leafs fans know from bitter experience that the Swede’s passion doesn’t just sleep. It often naps during the workday.

Whatever the case, Nylander embraced the Leafs’ own version of Year Zero in game one. He scored two nice ones. Other than that, it was Fortress Quebec.

When the Canadiens scored their goals, the crowd made a sound very like a mid-season Toronto goal. For the first time in a long time, the Leafs could not control their own environment. Another ominous sign. Toronto lost 3-2.

Afterward, a few other small differences. As reporters entered the locker room, Matthews was sitting at his stall waiting for them. That’s brand new. That’s so new that most people walked right by him, fearing that if they approached, he’d regain consciousness and flee the room in terror. He was later joined out in the public space by Raddysh.

McKenna came out and declared himself “nervous,” twice. Marchenko used the same word. So did new coach Jim Hiller.

What do any of these guys have to be worried about? It’s not like they torched the entire roster (aside from the guys most to blame for failing) over the summer. I’m sure this new batch of expendables have nothing to worry about. To be safe, just make sure to always keep Matthews between you and the GM.

Hiller best captured the flavour of the occasion as he began his post-game remarks: “I thought we played pretty well.”

Have the Leafs ever played badly in a loss? They are the Japanese mid-sized sedan of mediocrities. Dependably average.

It also struck you that though it’s a different coach, it’s all the same lines. They go back in an unbroken string to Paul Maurice, from before he was allowed to be interesting. Maybe the CEO gives them the Holy Quote Notebook when they are invested into the game’s highest calling, soon-to-be-former-Leafs head coach.

Canadiens down Maple Leafs 3-2 in first game of season

The All-New Leafs™ could still show up on Wednesday, against the Islanders. At least they can feel fairly confident the room will not be full of hopped-up Long Islanders.

If so, the civic cheer squad will be riding high again. If not, I see a problem developing, and it’s not just that passion will be running on nearly three whole days without a wink. Humans can’t survive past ten or eleven.

What’s clear now that summer is the Leafs’ natural season. That’s when they get to be themselves at their best, without the bother of other NHL teams intruding on their fantasies. It’s almost like the Montreal Canadiens didn’t bother checking out any of Toronto’s hopeful, relaxed September scrums, and all the nice things they said about themselves.

If New York is similarly uncooperative, then things start getting dicey. After that, it’s Ottawa on a Saturday night. After being ditched for the team Brady Tkachuk told them not to worry about, the Senators know how to get their mojo back – shift their humiliation to the Leafs.

Then it’s into a Nashville for a calorie-free meal and on to Las Vegas and Colorado for a couple of real tests. Two weeks into the year, you can envision a scenario where the panic has already begun.

For now, Toronto remains relatively pristine. Sure, opening night was a bust, but everyone was nervous. It’s not that the new look doesn’t work. It’s that they want it to work too badly.

I’m sure the Leafs will be more relaxed next time for another of their 84 must-win-or-everybody-in-the-city-freaks-out games.